Twenty-two years after her last album of original material Miss Ross is back. Shame it’s such a tepid offering.

There’s very little more I can say about the legacy of Diana Ross. Nearly 78 and she’s done it all. Except, that is, have a later-era comeback.

Her new album, Thank You, is the first album of new material in over two decades. Her 2006 covers album I Love You was, it’s safe to say, ropey.

But now she’s back with an album full of new songs. The album is ostensibly a literal “thank you” to her fans, an offering of love and positivity that – one might argue – would be nice in 2021, post-pandemic.

Yet despite all the “love”, it’s an otherwise pretty empty album lacking any depth. Every song is about love, but not necessarily between a man and a woman (or partner and partner). No, rather it’s more about her love of life – picking yourself up from your daily struggles with self-fulfilling love and happiness. And nothing wrong with that, but Diana’s understanding of “love” on Thank You is so sweet and sticky it might as well have been dipped in golden syrup and given to a diabetic.

All the songs on Thank You are at least co-written with Ross, which might explain why they’re just a bit naff. Her best songs – ‘Ain’t No Mountain High Enough’, ‘I’m Coming Out’, ‘Touch Me In The Morning’, etc etc – have been written by others. No shame in that, Diana Ross is a classic artist in that respect after all. Motown always produced songs and producers for her, usually top quality ones.

Yet this rankled her, and her leaving Motown was in part was to record, write and produce herself. But her lack of hits post-Motown surely was a sign that maybe she should leave that to others.

So it’s hard to know why Miss Ross went down this route: she’s still a huge name, her legacy remains undimmed, and her shows still routinely sell out. Surely, a better album than this could have been produced?

The album does boast some big production names – Taylor Swift collaborator Jack Antonoff for one – but they don’t seem to know what to do with these songs, other than to bath them either in autotune or some other vocal processing that strips Diana’s voice of any warmth or real emotion. Maybe her home studio, where the album was largely recorded, only allows for processed vocals to be recorded. Who knows. But listening to the album I couldn’t help but think: was Nile Rodgers busy?

Perhaps I am being a bit unfair, it’s not all bad.

The title track, the first single off the album, is pretty nice – Miss Ross sounds in fine voice and the production is nice. It’s a bit soppy, but it’s bearable. It’s pretty catchy as well, with a similarity to ‘You’re All I Need To Get By’. It even got some airplay on UK radio, which is nice for her.

I do really like – well really like by comparison – ‘All Is Well’. It’s slightly funky, there’s no autotune, and the song is decent by the standards of the rest of the albums. It would’ve probably made an earlier Diana Ross album.

When it came out as the album’s last single, I did also enjoy ‘I Still Believe’. Yes, you’ve guessed it, she still believes in love. What a shock. To be fair though, it’s fairly enjoyable and she does sound like she’s having fun. She might be getting on in life, but she can still belt out a tune when given the chance.

‘Just In Case’ is also quite enjoyable – the cheaply sounded synths and drum machines are replaced by an actual string section and piano player, and although the song is as sickly as ‘Endless Love’, it’s rather good.

If that wasn’t enough love, Siedah Garrett chips in with ‘The Answer’s Always Love’. Again it’s a nice song and Diana’s vocals aren’t swathed in autotune.

Yet the rest of the album is pretty forgettable.

‘If The World Just Danced’ is predictably another love-message. Things a bit rubbish in your life? Well, just love and dance your problems away! And if you love, dance, and love to dance, you’ll be the happiest Diana Ross fan in the world.

Lyrics aside, the song sounds awful. I’m guessing this is what she thinks club music sounds like in 2021. The vocals sound autotuned badly, and the production has all the quality of a kid at university playing around on his first-ever MacBook.

Meanwhile, ‘In Your Heart’ tells us that “in your heart there’s a voice” trying to get out, while instructing us to “Reach out and touch”, a throwback to her earlier smash hit. It’s pleasant enough but there’s only so much syrup you can endure without being sick.

‘Beautiful Love’ treads a similar, slightly more dramatic path, but I probably won’t be revisiting either any time soon.

In an attempt to be contemporary – which I’m sure at 78 is pretty hard – ‘Let’s Do It’ grooves along, but the lyrics are a cringe-worthy manifesto about improving the future. I doubt even Greta Thunberg would sign that off.

Overall, I am sad to report that Thank You is pretty disappointing.

A figure of Diana Ross’s stature deserves better, but as a producer she is also at least partially responsible for this mess of an album. The fact that this comeback has been fairly muted in the press – she’s done no promo interviews and the reviews have ranged from good to awful – suggests we can’t be the only ones disappointed with this. Maybe even Diana is: she didn’t even bother to have her photo taken, the one on the album cover is an edited PR shot from years ago.

Clearly Miss Ross wants to still be down with the kids, and Thank You is her attempt at remaining relevant while spreading her uniquely sickly message of love to the world. (Ironic, one might suggest, given how she reportedly treated her fellow Supremes back in the day).

In fairness, she does find herself like other legacy acts of being in a bit of a pickle. Does she try and update her sound to stay relevant, or does she return to her classic sound? I get the temptation of trying to stay current, but the people who are likely to fork out on a CD/LP of Thank You are those who still listen to her Motown hits. It’s hard to imagine a young listener seeking out Diana Ross for the first time and settling on this. 

At least there’s no duets with younger artists on Thank You, or remakes of her classic songs with an orchestra. Small mercies.

Her most successful selling album – diana – was, and remains, a fantastic record grounded in disco. And with the re-emergence of disco as a force in popular music (even Dave Grohl has recorded a tribute to the Bee Gees), it’s odd that Diana didn’t go down that route. It would have been – unlike her penalty at the 1994 World Cup – an open goal.

If she bothers to record anything else let’s hope Nile Rodgers picks up the phone.